Ask the Harry Potter Characters
by Pheobe Smith
Summary: Formely called Harry's Advice. Now you can ask all the Harry Potter charaters questions. They'll be happy to answer anything that is rated PG-13... read and enjoy! Luv to all my readers, Pheobe Smith
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: J.K. ROWLING OWNS EVERTHING HERE.

Dear Harry,

Do you like me?  The way you look at me makes me feel soo good inside please tell me

Cho, in Ravenclaw

Cho,

Yes I do.  So will you go out with me?

Harry

Dear Harry,

I have a problem, I want to kill you Mwhahahahaha!!!!

Voldie

Voldie aka, loser

You won't die!!!!!!

Harry aka scarhead

A/N SORRY PPL I HAVENT HAD TIME, PLEASE R/R!! THNX!!! PHEOBE SMITH


	2. More hp advice

Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns all!!!!  The great and powerful.

Dear Harry,   
  
I have a really big crush on... a friend. He happens to be your friend. Will you ask him out for me?   
  
Person who is holding Rita Skeeter captive in a jar   
  
   
  
Dear Hermione,   
  
Just ask Ron out yourself.   
  
Harry

Dear Harry,

Of course I will, just watch out for loser and have fun.  Cya later

Hunnybun,

Cho,

DON'T EMBARRASS ME, PLEASE!!!! WE'LL TALK LATER!!!!

XOXOXOX

HARRY

SCARHEAD,

I WILL KILL YOU, AND YOU WILL DIE.  ONLY CUZ I'M MORE POWERFUL THEN YOU THEN I'LL KILL YOU'LL LITTLE FRIENDS, AND WAIT, WHY AM I TAKING ADVICE FROM YOU!!!!!!!!

LOSER AKA VOLDIE

Look, loser

Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die.  Hehehehehe.

Hp the kid whose gonna kick you ass


	3. STILL MORE ADVICE, THOUGH NOT WISE

DISCLAIMER:  J.K ROWLING OWNS ALL HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS MENTIONED.

A/N: I'M BORROWING A METHOD THAT LILY SMITH USED, SO IF SHE READS THIS, I DID GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR USING IT, SO, DON'T YELL.

Dear Harry,

I have a big problem.  My friend is totally mad at me, and I have no idea why.  I try to ask hi, um my friend why my, um he, won't talk to me.  But then he goes on ignoring me and talking to my bro, um, his weezly.  Do you think you can help?

Sad in Gryffindor

Ginny,

Ignore Ron, and pull me aside one of these days. I know why you think I'm mad at you, but I'm not.  I've just been really busy that's all.

Harry 

Ps Professor Dumbledore will be filling in for me for a while.

Dumbley- dor,

I vas vondering if ve vere going to haf anodder **_TRIVIZARD TORNAMENT_** soon?   Az you can tell my English is not so good.  Vell, Hagrid, has been vanting to say something, and dis is the only chance he may get so:

HIYA, DUMBLEDORE, WELL I JUS' WANT TER SAY HULLO AND TER TELL YER TER TELL HARRY TER KEEP HIS NOSE KLEEN.  GAIMKEAPER, HAGRID AND Mme. Maxine.

Olympia and Hagrid,

Of course I'll tell Harry you said to um keep his nose kle, oops clean.  Olympia, that's all up to the new headmaster of Drumstrang spelling?   Well anyways I have more important things to attend to then answering this, I mean, I must attend to the rest of the advice I must answer.

Albus

Albie,

I have been thinking of this for a while, why have you been guarding scar head for so long?  I'm getting really tired of having him under my nose and then having him disappear the next second.  Why must you keep doing that?  Anyways, if you do happen to have another **_TRIWIZARD TORNAMENT_** I will find out and I will kill that **censored, feel free to use any word that would make sense in this place**.

Voldie

Oldie oops, Voldie,

LI have **NOT** been guarding Harry for so long, you have just not been able to kill him, (which is not going to happen any time soon).  Oh yeah, if you were more powerful then Harry, don't you think you would have killed him 14 years ago?  We are not having another **_TRIWIZARD TORNAMENT_** because you are a L-O-S-E-R!!!!!!!!!!!! J

JALBUSL

Old friend,

Thank you for keeping the Stone safe for me, even though it was destroyed.  I wanted to say thank you to that kind young lad who managed to keep it away from YOU-KNOW-WHO. J.  I need you for that one small item we talked about, you know the will.   Until later old friend.

Flamel

Old friend,

Welcome, Harry says welcome, and I will be there A.S.A.P.

Dumbledore.J

Dumbledore,

Please, take good care of Harry; he is **NOT** to know about his older sister or Dawn and Tim.  He does not know he is not an only child any more.  Oh, one more thing, you know how you said that people could not come back from the dead?  Well Lily and I are back.

Prongs

_PRONGS!!!!!!!_

_OMG, I HAD NO IDEA THAT PEOPLE COULD COME BACK FROM THE DEAD.  (MODERN TECHNOLOGY MUST HAVE REALLY ADVANCED!!!!)  I PROMISE NOT TO TELL HARRY ABOUT JESSICA, DAWN AND TIM.  TELL LILY I SAID HELLO AND YOU TWO ARE WELCOME AT HOGWARTS AT ANYTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_DUMBLEDORE :o_

A/N: WELL HERE'S A SHOCKER, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY REALIZE WHAT I WAS TYPING UNTIL JUST KNOW.  SO I GUESS I GOT TO KEEP THIS UP.  SORRY FOR THE INTURRUPTION. JPHEOBE SMITHJ

****

Professor,

I have a big problem.  I keep getting teased by someone who will remain to be nameless, **cough, Draco Malfoy, cough**.  He keeps calling me a mudblood and other foul names please help!  _HEY, MUDBLOOD, WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A TATTLE TAIL?  I'M GONNA GET YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS!!!!!!!!_

Mr. Malfoy,

DETENTION, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

Headmaster Dumbledore.

A/N: WELL R/R, I'VE RUN OUT OF IDEAS, PLEAZ ADD SOME MORE QUESTIONS!!!!!!


	4. more advice

Disclaimer:  THE ALL MIGHTY AND POWERFUL J.K. ROWLING OWNS ALL HARRY POTTER RELATED…………..STUFF.         

A/N:  Due to unfortunate circumstances, Harry will NOT be answering advice until later on.  Sorry, please, don't send HOWLERS!!!!  H/P/N means Harry Potter Note, just in case you're wondering when you get there.  Pheobe Smith (I know, I know, my name is misspelled, SUFFER!!!)

Dear……….wait, I HATE YOU!!!!  To you:

            Give up scar head and you'll be fine.  Don't, and die and slow and painful death.  My requests are as follows:

1.HAND HIM OVER DAMIT!!!

2.FULL RUN OF HOGWARTS

3.HAND HIM OVER!

4.RID SCHOOL OF "MUDBLOODS"

5.HAND HIM OVER!!

6.RULE OVER THE ENTIRE MAGICAL RULE

AND FINALLY

7.YOU'D BETTER HAND HIM OVER!!!

VOLDIE

Oldie Voldie,

_Dumbledore's answers:                      Prongs' Answers_

1-6: NO                                               1: HELL NO!!

AND FINALLY                                2: I DON'T THINK SO

7: NO!!!                                               3: over my dead body jackass

                                                            4: die, die, and die

                                                            5:Hell no, he won't go

                                                            6:kiss my ass  

                                                            And finally

                                                            7: touch him & you'll wish you'd never been born!!

PRONGS AND DUMBLEDORE 

Professor,

            A certain little snitch that doesn't have parents, recently wrote you a "question" and I got detention.  My father _WILL_ about this!!

Draco Malfoy

H/P/N: Er, professor, let me handle this one!!

MALFOY!!!

YOU SLIMY LIL' GIT!! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A SLIMY LITTLE SNITCH!! (though the golden snitch is wicked! lol) YOU DESERVE TO ROT IN HELL!!! I DARE YOU TO TELL YOUR FATHER, I DARE YOU!! DON'T FORGET, I KNOW SOME PRETTY GOD HEXES NOW!!!!

POTTER

H/P/N: Go ahead professor.

Mr. Malfoy,

Detention, for life!

Professor Dumbledore

Dear Headmaster,

            I'm very worried about Harry.  He's been acting…………**_Hello dude.  Wazzzzzzzup!!!!!  Yo, I'm hip and feeling groovy!!  Yo, yo, yo!! _**Um, that would be Harry.  PLEASE HELP!!!!

Lily

Lily,

            Meet me at Diagon Alley so I can see if his battery needs replaced.

Dumbledore

Master,

I've found out were Potter lives!  Number 4 Privet Drive with the Dursley's.  I'll kill them and snatch the jerk.

Wormtail

Pettigrew,

I think you'd better meet me at Hogsmeade.  (*maniac glint in eyes**)** Oh, and leave Potter at the Dursley's. (*laughs wickedly*) 

Me

HELP!!

(*SCREAMING*) OH SH~SHOUT! IT'S HIM!  AHHH! (*MORE SCREAMING*) RUN HARRY RUN!!(*CRASHING, THUDS, BOOMS*)

……..

……..

HOLD HIM OFF!! I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE!!!

DUMBLEDORE

A/N: HM, Dumbledore ran off.  Um, Harry, it's finally time for you to come back and answer questions.


	5. more

Disclaimer:  J.K. Rowling, the all powerful, owns Harry Potter rights, not me.

A/N: Harry's back, and the first question is a joke between Lily Smith and me.

Harry,

            Why have you been avoiding me?  We've been going out for almost two years and you haven't talked to me!! Why?

Phoebe(A/N: this is NOT me!!!! If you watched CHARMED it's Phoebe Halliwell)

Pheebs!!

Um sorry (see the first column for why he's acting strangely)  I, um have to go now.  Padfoot, take over for me.  (*Harry runs out of room*)

A/N:  crap!! I hate when he does this!!!!

Harry, or whomever,

            I have a problem.  Harry is related to me, but I can't say how.  But that's not my problem.  Si, oops Padfoot, you might know whom I'm talking about.  I like Cody Diggory and I want to ask him out, but I don't know how.  Can you help me?

NEEDS HELP

NEEDS,

            Hm, related to Harry?  You wouldn't be J.P. would you? (A/N: see Beginnings).  Either write him a note or tell him how you feel, wait, if you're J.P. how are you writing to me, your supposedly (*sorry, I can't let Padfoot say what he was going to say because he'll ruin my other story.*)

Padfoot

Old Friend,

            Why the hell are you answering advice?  I thought you had more sense then that!! Well, we must meet again.

PRONGS

Ole buddy, ole pal,

            I, um took over for your son, wait that isn't a question that needs advice.  GRRRRRRRR!  Don't write here unless you need advice!!!

Padfoot

Mr. Black,

            We are pleased to inform you, that your name has been in fact, cleared.  We have caught the slimy little git Pettigrew.  Feel free to live your life as a normal man again.

Minister of Magic

TO EVERYONE:        

            Yippee!!! I'M FREE, I'M FREE!! FREE AT LAST!!  HARRY, YOU'RE MOVING, PACK YOUR BAGS!!              Wait, this isn't advice but hell it's news, so I'll let it slide!!

Sirius Black

A/N:  Harry finally decided to come back to his advice column.  If you liked Dumbledore or Sirius Black, let me now.

Scar head,

            Do you realize you're making me go insane?  Why the hell won't you die!!!!

Voldie

Loser,

            For one thing, I don't think it's possible for you to get anymore insane!!  Secondly, you can't kill me!!(*sticks tongue out at computer screen*)

Scar head.

P.S: _DON'T THINK TO HARD OVER MY ANSWERS, YOU MIGHT HURT YOURSELF!!_

Harry,

            I promised to keep my "quill to myself" to a "girl who **_HAD_** me in a jar", but I'm itching to write something horrible to get noticed.  What should I do?

Unregistered

Rita Skeeter,

            You (*censored*).  DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN IF YOU WRITE ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND I AGAIN!!  I WILL TELL EVERYONE, YOUR AND UNREGISTERED ANIMAGUS, OOPS, SORRY ABOUT THAT…………………..NOT!!

POTTER

PS DON'T WRITE HERE AGAIN!!

A/N:  please r/r and tell me what you think.  Pheobe Smith


End file.
